Trust...and Thank you...

I'm so proud of my kids, and my wife Rhonda. I wish it were possible for you to know them-it's the only way you could understand.  I pray that you father's and husbands reading this--- it's true for you also. I still get that lump in my throat and palm sweaty feeling when I see Rhonda... and I couldn't live without my children-They really are the greatest gifts. Ian wants to be me, and I want to be Evelyn. Thank you three for putting up with me these past few months.

I've learned I can accept pretty much anything in life when it comes to failure, or potential  failure, of serious things---being a son, a brother, friend, an employee, an athlete...whatever. Very Extreme examples I know, but you understand the depth of thought here. However, to fail as a father and a husband?....Forget it.  I'm  not sure how I would cope. For the sake of simplicity (and time), to list all the circumstances for this to happen would be nearly impossible, and honestly, improbable. Why? Because I wouldn't allow it.  Just like I'll never get a DUI or jailed for breaking and entering-I'll never not have those closest to me realize they are not....the closest to me. Some things you just don't do.

Where am I going with this??

One word....

trust.

For one,  my trust and hope is in Christ, first and foremost. Actually my whole family has our foundation in this. We place our trust in Him. But, personally-I've trusted in other things, people, places, items, whatever...
It doesn't work. Those who do this and say it does? Give it time.

Both Rhonda and I are teaching this to Evelyn and Ian, they get it. How do I know this? Today I talked to my son on the phone and asked him how the overnight birthday party was he had at a friends house.

"Ian!! How was your sleepover?!"
"It was good Dad"....
"What did you do little man?"
"Well....I played video games and watched movies. But...."
"But-what?"
"Well....I didn't watch the movies-instead, I just hung out and played video games..."
"Why Ian?"
"Eh....I thought you probably would not want me to watch them-so, I told the other guys this and just played games-they laughed a bit, but....it's cool"...



I made sure Ian could not feel through the phone my eyes welling up...(He knows me better than most and can tell the second my mood changes).."Ian-I am so freaking proud of you dude".  He knew I was serious, and for him to take a stand secured another root in trust for the future. It was so cool. I could write for hours about Evelyn and Rhonda too-but, the point is..again, trust. Building it, believing it, keeping it.

Reflecting on this little event today started me thinking on the word trust. Little word. BIG topic. Bigger emotion, and huge undertow if you don't have it. Now-in my life as an athlete I'm learning it could very well be the biggest piece of the puzzle-of my puzzle. Seriously...It's the cog, the M A C H I N E. Trying to convey it in a personal way like my family or the story above...kinda deep I know. Like, coffee and sitting by a fire talking deep. I know, I know... borderline "artsy", but you get it.

As an Ironman triathlete-it's really very, very easy to 'trust'. I've not always thought this way, or even done it. Matter of fact I'm actually realizing I might even be a little "new" to the trust game as it pertains to my athletics-despite the time spent building. It sucks, but heading deeper down the path of commitment to excellence, crap covered up, gets...uncovered.  Willingly or unwillingly-doesn't matter. Once you see it, you  have to deal with it. For me-honestly...it's trust.

Am I an athlete that fumbles this? Are you? Is GSP? Silva? Ryan Hall? What about Crowie or Dave Scott?
Here is my point-I've mentioned I had the blessing to become good friends with Chris Boudreaux a pro Triathlete that lives in Portland.  We click. Coffee, music, conversation. One of those things that happen and feels unforced and easy,  It's cool. Despite my results or future athletic relationship with him-we will stay friends,  and that's the only thing that matters. He's been instrumental in pushing and training me in way's I can feel the work sticking.  Chris is level, grounded, gifted. Honest. Of all the things and insight he has shared and coached me in, the major sticking point is trust. It's not like some secret trick or pro secret either. It's very--matter of fact.  Along with other things placed in proper order, trust in my abilities and training is paramount. Chris doesn't over think things. This is awesome because--- I do.  His coaching is smart, and thoughtful.  But from a "theory" based perspective-it's like U2's early albums. Nuts and Bolt's. Haul wood, carry water. Yes of course there is finesse and detail-but, the major key he's seared into my thick skull is trust. Over and over. In my preparation, ability, training, plan.  No, it's not..."Trust your inner flow of being and transcendental illumination of pigmentation for which mother earth birthed you for"...It's "Look, you are ready. Trust that you have done what you need to do. Now go do it".


My encouragement to you is the same. Find ways to reflect on what you have done to prepare for the event you are competing in and trust the digging is done.  Did you see the NBC broadcast of the IM World Championship? Crowie has a ritual that involves rereading his training diary before races. Why?  To embed trust in his own mind. In a sport already hard enough why not trust the millions of tiny decisions you have made to get to the line?  Why have I struggled with this after all these years?
I trust you Chris and what you have taught me.  I trust myself and know that I am ready.  For this I am grateful. I am blessed and thankful for your coaching.

While I am on the topic of "Thank you's" I want to say a few words to some people and sponsors for making it possible for me to be competing in Cozumel in a few days.

Oliver at RYU-dude, you are amazing.  Yes I wear RYU constantly and spread the word. Yes I believe in the product and would be in it even if I was not an athlete. Yes you have been a blessing and great supporter of my racing and passion to really change things for the better. For all of this I am SO, SO  grateful.  I am humbled that you TRUST me. As an athlete, ambassador, and advocate for you, and for RYU. Our drive and the passion of sport fit well together.  You are  with me when I train-on my body and in my heart.  I love wearing RYU colors to battle.  I fight for RYU. Thank you for your kindness.

KC, Mark, and Living Fuel.  You were one of the first who believed in me.  I'm so stoked to still be on your team and am so thankful for your support and nutrition (both product, books, and advice). Thank you so much for letting me always call, e-mail, and basically bug you. You have never made me feel like anything other than family.  I love you guys.

Ron from Vuelta. I really don't know what to say??  You have made it possible for me to have, ride, and compete on amazing wheels.  Also-It's because of you I was able to compete at Ironman Louisville-I am forever grateful for that. I still am on the hunt for those seven minutes. When find them, you'll be my first call.

Steve Jossi I am glad we are friends.  It's been great to get to know you and your family and I appreciate the support and honest encouragement.  Your kindness will not be forgotten...and, I will pay for lunch sometime.

I know the topics on my blog have shifted back and forth between my passions, work in Haiti, and Africa.  I have talked about my favorite bands and family-more like a "log of thoughts", rather than a triathlete. After Cozumel I will continue to focus on the "Taxi Initiative" mainly because it's the launching point for my new push in working with Mountain top Ministries  and More Than Sport, but, I will also focus a bit more on Triathlon and training.  I've got some big plans and will be tackling some big stuff in regards to training and preparation. I'll do my best and pass on some pointers and help to all of you. Please-feel free to ask anything at anytime.

Thank you to all who have read my blog and thoughts.  I know maybe only a precious few-but again, I give it my all.

Why because..at the end of all this it's about relationships.

Trust me.

Sitting here, thinking.....Three weeks.

It's close and I'm thankful--That's what keeps going through my head.  I recently fought off a little bout with a cold, and now on my way back I think nothing of what I call "lost" time, and only what's to come.  How many times have I let detours distract me only to find them instrumental. Four day's ago as I sulked in my heart, and whispered under my breath how pissed I was that I was getting sick-I strolled into Fred Myers to get some tea and weapons to fight the little army invading my lungs and thoughts.  No sooner had I built camp around how horrible life is when I was halted by a nurse pushing a man in a wheelchair.

It was obvious-he was riddled with disease.

What is it about my human heart that so easily finds ways to jump ship?  I was ashamed....Like I am when I take for granted a friend, or my position as a father, or the privileged place of being married to my best friend. Shame is a horrible, horrible monster.  It's not guilt, or regret--emotions dealt in spades by satan himself.  Shame is sinister. It's understanding that I have taken hold of my life and realized how impossible it is to control, and with a dropped chin and mumbling voice I ask God to take it back. "Uh....I'm an idiot"...

I know this is a much deeper topic and drawing it together with sport is a bit of a stretch.  Point is....No matter what, I feel blessed. Despite what I think at the time, getting lost in the moment and loosing sight of the bigger picture is quite easy when outside forces are at work. Like in a race-- pain, discomfort, the inability to focus, is easy when we sulk.

Thank you Jesus for taking my shame.  It's easy to find this small example in my life evidence that you LOVE me.

In a few weeks when it hurts-help me think of how crappy I felt this week.  How I was healed and got through the few nights of coughing and fever. How that man I saw in his wheelchair would give anything to be running......

Thanks for reading.

New blog later this week about The Taxi Initiative, More Than Sport, and Mountain Top Ministries.  Also a few updates and Thank you's.

invisible war

Kellar Creative designed a cool logo for me. Thanks Aaron.

This past week has been filled with much time on the computer.  I admit it, Kona week is like the Super Bowl for me.  I suck it in like an Americano...It's just awesome.

It didn't sting as much as it has in the past though, watching it and not being there.  I think in part because I'll be headed to Cozumel next month and toe the line for my slot in 2013--training for that is going well.  Today is a needed recovery day.

Working with Chris Boudreaux again during this block/build has been awesome.  Not only because he's my friend, but he's comfortable to talk to and work with.  And most importantly, he's honest no matter what.  As advice to anyone looking for a coach, this is KEY.  I would be more than happy to talk in depth about this in a future post, but for now just know this -- if you can't sit and have coffee with the coach you choose, think twice. If you can't take brutal, but loving honesty, then grow thicker skin or move on. That's not saying you have to take walks in the park together every week holding hands, or-online coaching is bad.  I think comfort factor is very important, at least to a point.  I need someone to say, "I care about you, but you're doing this wrong.  Let's try this."

 Too much comfort retards growth.

 ***Check this out-it's another Endurance Corner article, and it says it better than I can.

http://www.endurancecorner.com/library/triathlon/coaching/triathlon_coach

Back to what's up here-

That hurt.

Training is going well.  I'm working and it feels good. Yesterday's run was tough and another deposit in the bank was definitely made. A picture post run taken by my son on the floor of my kitchen placed on my FB page shows me a bit fatigued, but, I felt happy.  I mention this because I want to bring  attention to the RYU shorts I was wearing.  I'm so fortunate to be with RYU.  To have the gear and support is one thing -- it's amazingly comfortable stuff, it's nice looking, and it just works. But they are also kind, hard working people who are true to the idea of sacrifice.  To be included with athletes associated with RYU is humbling.  Phil Heath-Mr. Olympia,  Jon Fitch-recent UFC 153 winner and future title contender.   I'm honored to be on the same team.  This November in Cozumel, the plan is to make sure that I am one of the athletes you will watch online in Kona, 2013, and someone that RYU can proudly mention.  Yes, I'll be wearing RYU.

Thanks Oliver and team-for everything. I think of you everyday.

Chris and More Than Sport were busy during the World Championships and it was encouraging to see Craig Alexander, Tim O'Donnell, Lindsey Corbin and others representing More Than Sport.  I'm so excited to be involved and share Chris's vision. A movement affecting peoples lives for the better.  

Strong work Chris-keep it up man.

Chris in the parade  Race week at the Ironman World Championship

Speaking of MTS, the 'Taxi Initiative' is in full swing. Please check it out and consider what you can do. It's easy, inexpensive, and for a small donation you can make a HUGE impact in the life of a child.  Some of you might even think about coming to Haiti with me in 2013 as part of the team who will work up at Mountain Top Ministries. Please check out the link at www.christianisakson.com and see what's moving.  MTS will soon have a link also. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.

I had mentioned that yesterday's run hurt. During the parts that were particularly uncomfortable I started to think about "stuff".

Mentally, it helps (sometimes) to wander, and the more pain the harder it is to get my mind somewhere else.  I've been helping coach my children's Cross Country team and talking to the athletes I tell them once you can't push it off-accept it. Know it's there and welcome it. It's hard.  It's very hard the deeper you get lost in misery. I know all too well how I've tried to keep the door blocked while the haunting blob of discomfort oozes through and crawls up my into body. I know it's coming and still I pretend it's not.  Too many times I'll let it just sink in and I..."just take it".

Yesterday though, I did not allow this to happen. It's deception. It really is....It "tricks" me often into thinking I'm defined by what my body feels at that moment..and, I am not.  For those who have been at this point you can understand how falling into any thought other than the comfort of quitting is paramount. What's your fall back?  Where do you hide? Family? past? failure? For me it's shifts. But yesterday thought's gravitated to Satan. Satan's number one tactic is deception. The accuser. Guilt motivating, not grace motivating. Right?

I don't say this because I think "The Devil" want's me to fail. Well...actually he does, but that's another future post.


C.S. Lewis wrote “There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about the devils. One is disbelieve in their existence. The other is to believe, and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them. They themselves are equally pleased by both errors, and hail a materialist or magician with the same delight” (C.S. Lewis.  The Screwtape Letter. 1941, p. 3).  This is certainly true about Satan. Some people totally dismiss him as an impersonal force or somebody in a red suit with a pitchfork. On the other end of the spectrum, many people attribute too much power and importance to Lucifer. They feel that he is God’s equal.


Why my thoughts were going here you ask??  Chip Ingram has a series Rhonda has been going through  (even as I write I'm watching) called "The Invisible War-What every believer needs to know about Satan,  demons, and spiritual warfare" .....boo.....


No, I don't suggest that plates are going to start flying in the kitchen. What it does mean though and a major point is how I can be a "religious guy", and what deception does to my motivation.  How easy is it for me to forget that God loves me. He just LOVES ME so much.  This is key in this series. Despite my awareness of this when weakness hits- my thought patterns go something like this.

1. Wow-this hurts
2. Ok-now it's just uncomfortable
3. Can I hold this?
4. I have to hold this to grow stronger
5. I can't
6. I'm a failure
7. No I am not
8. The pain feels warm
9. I like this
10. Man...that hurt

Number six.

When I get here, for some reason, "Failure" creeps in.  The point where helpless and hopeless intersect. This is when I'm vulnerable. This...THIS is the time I have to LEAN on him. Christ. In work, play, training, life, family, friendship, whatever...this is bigger than just getting my "times down" or a "negative split".  I chuckled to myself about that term yesterday too..."Negative split"...that definition to me means the time I decide to allow my performance to split with my capabilities. When I succumb to the discomfort.

When I believe the lie.

 Lieto and I talked about this a bit.  He's told me when that time's upon you, it's too easy to believe "a lie" because of our apparent felt weakness-because it hurts so much. If  unprepared, weakness when a difficult situation is upon me feels normal. In pain I think about "Life", especially when it hurts in training. How can I be a stronger athlete, better husband, more loving father?  Honestly-side note-I'm working on keeping all this in check on race day in Cozumel too-I'm wired to be emotional, sometimes to a fault. Ask Rhonda-I tear up every time that Maxwell House commercial is on TV during Christmas--The one where the son comes home from college and he's brewing coffee. (more on that in next post)

Fundamentally I need to remember that fighting through the pain is a must in an event-but, I who claim freedom in Jesus have to get to number seven where it really matters. I can't believe how often I feel number six, and you know what? When I view the situation- I see a reflection of the time leading up to it. In a race if I've trained and dialed, the resources are there...just  need to tap into them. If I'm alone at home (like now), time in prayer, reading, devotion, accountability with my family---things I tap into keep me from things that can tap into me. Thoughts, shows, commercials, attitudes, motives....whatever. Make sense?

All that to say..when I hurt it's easy for me to wander off in thought. Usually that means "Life"stuff.

Where do you go?

My plan for the next few weeks? Prep for Cozumel. I'll also be working on the Taxi Initiative and getting  information out to you.  Let me know if you have any questions about that.  Also I'll include information about More Than Sport and Haiti.

Thanks for reading-and as always, I am grateful for the support.




  

New Website up...

I'm glad...the new website is up and as usual, it took longer than I wanted. www.christianisakson.com still has a few tweaks needed. Overall, I am happy. It's not super flashy or overly "hip", just nut's and bolts.  Please-send me your thoughts, be honest too.  If you see something that is off, or could be better--please let me know. The concept is simple-tell people about the Taxi Initiative and start to work towards helping those in need.  Plus, it's awesome to be teaming up with Chris and More than Sport. Honored to have that opportunity. New Facebook page in the works, and mobile website update too!!!  Also-I'll be having some stuff on the More Than Sport site also.

Training is in full swing and I've had a few big weeks.  I feel good.  I'll talk more about this in my next post...Just wanted to give a quick heads up about my new site and new information.

More very, very soon....

moving....

“Don't find fault, find a remedy; anybody can complain” 
― Henry Ford

I'm in "focus mode"and looking towards Cozumel.  Patience is still key here even after the weeks post Louisville, but, as of now I'm training.  It's nice to know I have one race left this season and can defer the "reflection" until December-no matter, reflection is for those that finish, I've got a long, long....long way to go.




I posted a few "tweets" over the past week or so about a few changes coming.  I am really stoked to say that my teaming up with Chris Lieto and More Than Sport is a full go.  Over the next few days I'll be updating and reworking my social media sites to reflect that, and some other changes will happen also.  (I have to wait to release some new AWESOME details until they are finalized--Super exciting stuff.) I'm really looking forward to updating my website and improving it a bit. My Face book (Luke 920) and blog will also have a few changes-I'll let you know.

Some may have also noticed my new project-"The Taxi Initiative".  I'm so freaking stoked about this man...Again, I'll have space on the More Than Sport site discussing the Taxi Initiative and informing others of what we are doing.  This will allow those that are interested to help to do so very easily, or, find out more information about it. It'll make sense when it's set-Again...I'll send out the information.

As for the details about Taxi Initiative-the idea is built around a discussion Chris and I had a few months ago.  My passion and desire to help in Haiti has grown stronger since I returned from my second trip. To see the need and result of how far a dollar can go first hand is mind numbing.  Mountain Top Ministries in Gramothe/ Port Au Prince-is where I  spend my time when I travel there. IT IS AMAZING.

(I'll be headed back next year again--gimme a heads up if you are interested in going) Much more on this to follow. Please take a few minutes and check out what they are about...

I'll share more in detail about the specifics of the project soon... the goal is to raise enough money to send children to school for a year---food, clothes, books, medical attention, and-again an education. I also hope to educate others, not only how big of an impact this is for a child, but  the other amazing work Mountain Top Ministries is doing in Gramothe Haiti. It truly is a wonderful cause lead by wonderful people.

I look forward to sharing more of their story and how you can help.

   

Update

Just a few quick words.....

Things are getting set for me and it looks like I'll have one more opportunity this year to give Ironman one more punch. In November I'll be heading to Cozumel.  I'm stoked.  I'll be brief here--- I'm actually working on a bigger blog dealing not only with a few thoughts about the race and intent, but details on a really cool new project called the Taxi Initiative. It revolves around  helping out a few children and using our reach-- to reach them.  Details very soon.  

Thanks so much for the response after my last race in Louisville.

More very soon.

7 days later...

I'm happy with the decision to wait a week before I post thoughts about Louisville.  No matter how a race plays out I'm usually a bit raw for a few days. It's difficult sometimes to allow the process to "happen", and not force it.  Rhonda is so amazing to talk through things, and  makes it easier to relay some insight through this blog without clogging up the message. I feel bad because I drag her through my emotional garbage first-but, it's "cleaner" here. Sometimes it's an event for our family after our race and can be just as taxing....

The race went well although I failed to obtain my Kona spot--- doesn't mean it didn't go as planned.

I'll spare the boring details about pace, nutrition, and water temp's...Please, do not hesitate to ask me any questions about these or other things pertaining to the race if I do not cover it.
After a  few drafts this week, I realize these post IM Louisville ramblings sound better when I make it more about the people that allowed me to get here, and less about my battle.  But, to cover it...

The swim was solid--I felt in control throughout and exited the water seventh. The bike... little tougher than  anticipated with the back half dealing out climbing temp's and strong winds-it tested my patience.  I did not have the "time"  I 'm capable of, but still finished around 20th and was in a good spot heading onto the run. Nutrition and power was dialed on the bike in large part due to help from an amazing friend...more on that later.

The run?
Good.
Then bad.
Then ugly.
Out of T2...I was so hopeful.  I felt strong and ready.... Ironman's cruel joke-and I love it.

Run plan was to find my pace and stick--training/build to this point confirmed this was right, and my confidence agreed. Out of T2 after the first 2/3 miles my legs settled under me and overall my body adjusted quickly.  Up to mile 12 it was amazing, and I felt wonderful. I knew my pace was solid and just before I hit mile 11 imagined back a few months ago to Texas. This is where I decided to stay on it-I felt great, I knew I was moving way up and I was happy. I was going for it-all in.  Using the week to reflect I now know that this is where I dropped the ball. Not with pace..but thought.

I'm an emotional guy, I know this.  As I progress as an athlete this will be a larger part of my preparation.  Among the best this is a common theme--Keep stable during the event and as it progresses and increases with difficulty and discomfort, keeping "level" is key. Through the high's and low's focus is easy  to let slip. Lesson learned. Again. As vague as that may appear, and, as a race report the point is...the point.
Stay on it.

Despite follow through with swim pace, bike nutrition, and run effort, focus is the key, level, even. Through both good and bad, high and low.  Meaning, when it's good..keep focus, keep steady, stay on point. When it hurt's?  Keep focus, keep steady, stay on point.  Good advice and what I was told by Chris Boudreaux this week.

Chris Boudreaux is a friend of mine, not to mention an amazing professional Triathlete.  For those of you interested in learning more about him check out his site - chrisbtri.blogspot.com   his Race reports are well written and full of awesome information. Very insightful to see into the mind of a pro.

I've known Chris for a few years, he's the head of the Athletes Lounge here in Portland-an amazing Triathlon shop that has been very kind to me.  Fielding my questions, helping with bike fit-- just keeping me set before races.  It's an awesome place to shop. Talking to Chris over the years I've grown to appreciate his humility and the fact that someone so talented in this sport can stay so grounded.  Chris, I know you may be reading this and my intent is not to make you feel awkward--but, your help leading into Louisville was paramount.  The fact that you helped me with confidence and awareness of where I am, and, where I am able to go-was eye opening and much needed.

Chris was kind enough to have lunch with me a couple times which allowed me to bug him about training and racing-so, so cool. He has a family, business, and trains as a top level professional triathlete, never once did he flinch with his time. So.... when he offered to help me after Texas ( leading into Kentucky) with some direction, it was answered prayer-Seriously, this was a blessing. Chris worked with me throughout my build into Louisville.  Common sense, discipline, and just keeping me on track, Chris was very open and very honest. Things I needed to hear he had no problem saying. If he ever decides to step into the realm of coaching..I'm first in line. Solid...

Chris thanks again man-for everything.  Your direction has been so very important to me. I'm even more  grateful for your friendship. Plus-you know what the heck you are talking about. Your knowledge is incredible and I feel so fortunate to work with you.

Vuelta Wheels-Ron, I can't thank you enough.  Your help made this possible for me and I am so proud to be racing on Vuelta's. I promise-again...I'll find that seven minutes.

Serious wheels for serious racing 

RYU- to be on your team rules. It still makes me have a lump in my throat when I remember that I'm included with you. My RYU gear has become such a staple in my training and recovery.  I'm being totally honest here..the most comfortable gear I have ever worn is RYU. So, so grateful for you.

Sporting the new RYU Archer Tee=COMFORT!!

Staying in Louisville was one of the coolest experiences I've had before a race.  I was blessed to be at a condo owned by a new friend and incredibly kind woman. Ilse and I discussed the details a few months ago while I was preparing for my race. Never had I experienced such easy interaction setting up lodging.  Not only did she help me out with everything from where to shop, an immaculate condo filled with supplies, and encouragement, but she donated to Living Water International and help support the reason why I was racing. Also received one of the kindest e-mails after my race describing how she and her family were praying for me.  I am grateful Ilse for the love you showed me.  Meeting people like you is one small example of how God is amazing. Thank you.

I also want to say thank you to Eric who drove down from Michigan to hang with me for a few days.  I love you man. I find strength in you and am blessed to have you in my life.  Your friendship is more important than any Kona slot or PR.  I thank God for you in my life.

Thank you...for reading, tweeting, e-mailing, and praying for me.

Plans are in the works for some big things and I can't wait to share with all of you.....until then, I am grateful.

Rhonda, Evelyn and Ian....I can't imagine a second without you in my life. I love you. I just love you so....