I'm so proud of my kids, and my wife Rhonda. I wish it were possible for you to know them-it's the only way you could understand. I pray that you father's and husbands reading this--- it's true for you also. I still get that lump in my throat and palm sweaty feeling when I see Rhonda... and I couldn't live without my children-They really are the greatest gifts. Ian wants to be me, and I want to be Evelyn. Thank you three for putting up with me these past few months.
I've learned I can accept pretty much anything in life when it comes to failure, or potential failure, of serious things---being a son, a brother, friend, an employee, an athlete...whatever. Very Extreme examples I know, but you understand the depth of thought here. However, to fail as a father and a husband?....Forget it. I'm not sure how I would cope. For the sake of simplicity (and time), to list all the circumstances for this to happen would be nearly impossible, and honestly, improbable. Why? Because I wouldn't allow it. Just like I'll never get a DUI or jailed for breaking and entering-I'll never not have those closest to me realize they are not....the closest to me. Some things you just don't do.
Where am I going with this??
One word....
trust.
For one, my trust and hope is in Christ, first and foremost. Actually my whole family has our foundation in this. We place our trust in Him. But, personally-I've trusted in other things, people, places, items, whatever...
It doesn't work. Those who do this and say it does? Give it time.
Both Rhonda and I are teaching this to Evelyn and Ian, they get it. How do I know this? Today I talked to my son on the phone and asked him how the overnight birthday party was he had at a friends house.
"It was good Dad"....
"What did you do little man?"
"Well....I played video games and watched movies. But...."
"But-what?"
"Well....I didn't watch the movies-instead, I just hung out and played video games..."
"Why Ian?"
"Eh....I thought you probably would not want me to watch them-so, I told the other guys this and just played games-they laughed a bit, but....it's cool"...
I made sure Ian could not feel through the phone my eyes welling up...(He knows me better than most and can tell the second my mood changes).."Ian-I am so freaking proud of you dude". He knew I was serious, and for him to take a stand secured another root in trust for the future. It was so cool. I could write for hours about Evelyn and Rhonda too-but, the point is..again, trust. Building it, believing it, keeping it.
Reflecting on this little event today started me thinking on the word trust. Little word. BIG topic. Bigger emotion, and huge undertow if you don't have it. Now-in my life as an athlete I'm learning it could very well be the biggest piece of the puzzle-of my puzzle. Seriously...It's the cog, the M A C H I N E. Trying to convey it in a personal way like my family or the story above...kinda deep I know. Like, coffee and sitting by a fire talking deep. I know, I know... borderline "artsy", but you get it.
As an Ironman triathlete-it's really very, very easy to 'trust'. I've not always thought this way, or even done it. Matter of fact I'm actually realizing I might even be a little "new" to the trust game as it pertains to my athletics-despite the time spent building. It sucks, but heading deeper down the path of commitment to excellence, crap covered up, gets...uncovered. Willingly or unwillingly-doesn't matter. Once you see it, you have to deal with it. For me-honestly...it's trust.
Am I an athlete that fumbles this? Are you? Is GSP? Silva? Ryan Hall? What about Crowie or Dave Scott?
Here is my point-I've mentioned I had the blessing to become good friends with Chris Boudreaux a pro Triathlete that lives in Portland. We click. Coffee, music, conversation. One of those things that happen and feels unforced and easy, It's cool. Despite my results or future athletic relationship with him-we will stay friends, and that's the only thing that matters. He's been instrumental in pushing and training me in way's I can feel the work sticking. Chris is level, grounded, gifted. Honest. Of all the things and insight he has shared and coached me in, the major sticking point is trust. It's not like some secret trick or pro secret either. It's very--matter of fact. Along with other things placed in proper order, trust in my abilities and training is paramount. Chris doesn't over think things. This is awesome because--- I do. His coaching is smart, and thoughtful. But from a "theory" based perspective-it's like U2's early albums. Nuts and Bolt's. Haul wood, carry water. Yes of course there is finesse and detail-but, the major key he's seared into my thick skull is trust. Over and over. In my preparation, ability, training, plan. No, it's not..."Trust your inner flow of being and transcendental illumination of pigmentation for which mother earth birthed you for"...It's "Look, you are ready. Trust that you have done what you need to do. Now go do it".
My encouragement to you is the same. Find ways to reflect on what you have done to prepare for the event you are competing in and trust the digging is done. Did you see the NBC broadcast of the IM World Championship? Crowie has a ritual that involves rereading his training diary before races. Why? To embed trust in his own mind. In a sport already hard enough why not trust the millions of tiny decisions you have made to get to the line? Why have I struggled with this after all these years?
I trust you Chris and what you have taught me. I trust myself and know that I am ready. For this I am grateful. I am blessed and thankful for your coaching.
While I am on the topic of "Thank you's" I want to say a few words to some people and sponsors for making it possible for me to be competing in Cozumel in a few days.
Oliver at RYU-dude, you are amazing. Yes I wear RYU constantly and spread the word. Yes I believe in the product and would be in it even if I was not an athlete. Yes you have been a blessing and great supporter of my racing and passion to really change things for the better. For all of this I am SO, SO grateful. I am humbled that you TRUST me. As an athlete, ambassador, and advocate for you, and for RYU. Our drive and the passion of sport fit well together. You are with me when I train-on my body and in my heart. I love wearing RYU colors to battle. I fight for RYU. Thank you for your kindness.
KC, Mark, and Living Fuel. You were one of the first who believed in me. I'm so stoked to still be on your team and am so thankful for your support and nutrition (both product, books, and advice). Thank you so much for letting me always call, e-mail, and basically bug you. You have never made me feel like anything other than family. I love you guys.
Steve Jossi I am glad we are friends. It's been great to get to know you and your family and I appreciate the support and honest encouragement. Your kindness will not be forgotten...and, I will pay for lunch sometime.
I know the topics on my blog have shifted back and forth between my passions, work in Haiti, and Africa. I have talked about my favorite bands and family-more like a "log of thoughts", rather than a triathlete. After Cozumel I will continue to focus on the "Taxi Initiative" mainly because it's the launching point for my new push in working with Mountain top Ministries and More Than Sport, but, I will also focus a bit more on Triathlon and training. I've got some big plans and will be tackling some big stuff in regards to training and preparation. I'll do my best and pass on some pointers and help to all of you. Please-feel free to ask anything at anytime.
Thank you to all who have read my blog and thoughts. I know maybe only a precious few-but again, I give it my all.
Why because..at the end of all this it's about relationships.
Trust me.
No comments:
Post a Comment